ALAN STEIN, JR. – AUTHOR OF “THE SIDELINE: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR YOUTH SPORTS PARENTS”, CORPORATE SPEAKER, & FORMER BASKETBALL PERFORMANCE COACH – EPISODE 575

Alan Stein, Jr.

Website –  www.alansteinjr.com

Twitter – @AlanSteinJr

LinkedIn – www.linkedin.com/in/alan-stein-jr/

To order Alan’s Book visit www.thesidelinebook.com

My friend Alan Stein Jr. was the very first guest on the Hoop Heads Podcast back in 2018 and today he joins us for the 4th time to talk about his new book “The Sideline: A Survival Guide for Youth Sports Parents.” 

Alan spent 15 years working with the highest performing basketball players in the world including some of the best ever in the NBA.   He shifted focus about three  years ago to enter the world of corporate speaking when he realized that the leadership, culture, and teamwork he was teaching through basketball could be applied in the business world as well.  Alan delivers high-energy keynotes and interactive workshops to improve performance, cohesion, and accountability.  He inspires and empowers everyone he works with to take immediate action and improve mindset, habits, and productivity.

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Go grab your notebook right now so you can write down all your favorite quotes as you listen to this episode of the Hoop Heads Podcast with Alan Stein Jr. 

What We Discuss with Alan Stein, Jr.

  • “We just wanted to provide a resource that we hoped could provide some clarity and provide some practical, actionable strategies that parents could implement to make sure that their children can have an amazing youth sporting experience.”
  • His support for youth sports parents
  • The three components of youth sports – athletes, coaches, and parents. Everyone should stay in their lane.
  • “You’ll never improve something you’re unaware of.”
  • “The decisions you make as a parent are very personal decisions.”
  • The three reasons why parents should not try to coach their children from the bleachers
  • “Shooting should be a decision. It should not be a reaction.”
  • Don’t add to the chaos and confusion
  • Learning to make decisions on the court without parental input during the game
  • Many times, instructions that parents do yell are either incorrect or not actually helpful at all
  • Common phrases yelled by parents that don’t help anyone
  • The dangers of living vicariously through your child
  • “Do you have little brief moments of anxiety or worry when you’re watching or can you literally just sit back with more of a stoic point of view and just enjoy watching your child do something that they love to do?”
  • “We tend to, as a society, think that the performance, achievement and accolades of our children are a direct reflection of us as adults and how well we parent.”
  • “I’m happy when you achieve and when you perform well, I’m unhappy when you don’t.” is a state of mind and attitude that should be avoided by parents.
  • Praising the process, not the outcome
  • The most empowering or loving thing you can say to your child are simply the six words of, “I love to watch you play.”
  • The four things that I really believe are what is most important for a youth athlete’s participation – Number one, are you having fun? Number two, Are you coachable? Number three, are you a great teammate? Number four, Did you give your best effort?
  • What to do if your child isn’t having fun playing a sport anymore
  • There is a direct correlation between the choices you make and the consequences you have in life
  • Allowing kids to make decisions in regards to their participation in sports
  • Align your behavior as a parent with the reasons you wanted your child to play sports in the first place

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THANKS, ALAN STEIN, JR.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR ALAN STEIN, JR. – AUTHOR OF “THE SIDELINE: A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR YOUTH SPORTS PARENTS”, CORPORATE SPEAKER, & FORMER BASKETBALL PERFORMANCE COACH – EPISODE 575

[00:00:00] Mike Klinzing: Hello and welcome to the Hoop Heads Podcast. It’s Mike Klinzing here without my co-host Jason Sunkle this morning, but I am pleased to be joined by our very first guest on the Hoop Heads Pod way back when, Alan Stein Jr. Alan, welcome to the Hoop Heads Pod.

[00:00:14] Alan Stein, Jr.: Oh Mike, it’s always lovely to connect with you. my friend.

[00:00:19] Mike Klinzing: We are glad to have you on.  We wanted to have Alan on today to talk a little bit about his brand new book, which is called The Sideline. And it is a survival guide for youth sports parents. And this is a topic that hits very near and dear to my heart. It’s something that we have talked about a lot here on the hoop peds pod. So we thought we could dive into the book with Alan, go through a whole bunch of different things that can benefit both parents and youth athletes.

And hopefully. As we always have said to make the youth sports world and the basketball world a better place. And I think this book is a tremendous attempt to be able to have an impact on the youth basketball world. So, Alan, I’ll start by just giving you an opportunity to talk about the why behind the book.

Tell us why you wrote it, where the idea came from and tell us a little bit about how you and Rich..

[00:01:09] Alan Stein, Jr.: Sure. And I’m glad you mentioned Rich’s name. I know you said you were without your sidekick and co-host, and I’m certainly about my sidekick and coauthor Rich Cezlawski. Rich and I have been really good friends and colleagues for well over a decade.

And we’ve both had a fairly similar journey through youth sports. As in, we both were youth sport athletes as kids ourselves, and then we both chose vocations that were heavily involved in youth sports and athletics. Mine is a basketball performance coach and rich was a high school, varsity basketball coach for the better part of 20 years.

And now we’re kind of in that third stage, both of us where we both have young children that are currently playing youth sports. So we’ve kind of seen youth sports from every angle and every vantage point. And we certainly seen the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between, and this little project.

With something we’ve been talking about for years really when our kids first started playing sports five or six years ago, and then yeah, really decided to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard a few, few years ago and, and really decide to put something out there. Both he and I have always been very adamant about leaving our thumb print on the youth sports landscape.

And is there anything that we can do to leave it slightly better than we found it? You know, we’re both huge believers in the power of youth sports in, in the platform in general as a way to teach life lessons. And as a way to provide, if done right and unparalleled experience for young people to make new friends, to learn new experiences to develop new traits, learn life, lessons, travel, you know, all sorts of things that we’ve both benefited immensely from.

And we want our children to benefit from as well. And we had always noticed that one of the thorns in the paw of that being able to be accomplished is parental interference and that oftentimes very noble and very well-intentioned parents are often also misguided. And we just wanted to provide a resource that we hoped could provide some clarity and, and provide some practical, actionable strategies that parents could implement to make sure that their children can have an amazing youth sporting experience as well.

[00:03:26] Mike Klinzing: I think one of the overarching themes that comes through the book is as a parent, are the behaviors that you’re exhibiting. Behaviors that you would want your child to exhibit if they were faced with similar circumstances. And I think a lot of the book can be framed through that of, Hey, are you setting a good example for your child in terms of how they handle adversity in terms of how they go about doing things with other people in terms of how they’re reacting, when things don’t go their way, how they’re reacting, when things do go their way, are they a good sport when they, when are they a good sport when they lose?

And those are all things that as adults, we probably inherently know, but sometimes in the heat of battle, we forget. And one of the sections in the book that I really thought was important to highlight here is some common behaviors of parents that we would like to see improved to make the youth sports landscape a better one.

So I’m just going to kind of go through these one at a time, Alan, and I’ll let you respond and give your thoughts and just maybe a personal experience or anecdote that you shared in the book. So, first one. Screaming instructions from the sideline. Why is that bad? Every parent, Washington savvy parent.

But if you go to a game, there are a lot of parents that are doing that. The younger, the game, the younger, the kids are, the more screaming I think there is done. So just tell us why that’s such a bad idea.

[00:04:45] Alan Stein, Jr.: Sure, and before I do that and I love this format and I can’t thank you enough for your support and for making the time to read through the book, you know, to be able to kind of pinpoint some of these behaviors in particular.

I mean, even though it’s a thin and quick read a, a guide more than a book I sure appreciate you making that time, but before I want to say one more thing to try and hopefully help lay the foundation of the purpose behind the book. I want to make sure that anyone that’s listening to this and anyone that chooses to invest in the sideline knows that we absolutely unequivocally are in support of youth sports parents.

We did not write this book to be critical of others. We did not write this book to point the finger or to come from a place of self-righteousness that says, oh, we know all of that. We have all of the answers on how to help your children navigate through sports. Many of the things that are in this book are not only mistakes and behaviors that Rich and I have seen, but they’re things that we’ve actually tripped on ourselves before this book comes with tremendous humility and the noble intention of if we all work together.

And I really look at there as being three major components to this, that is the youth athletes themselves. The parents and the coaches. And to me, what’s most important is raising a very high level of awareness of the things that are getting in the way, because you’ll never improve something you’re unaware of.

And you’ll never fix something you’re oblivious to. So part of it is simply raising the awareness that there are some behaviors that many well-intentioned parents are misguided on and fall victim to. And this comes from a place of immense love and compassion and grace in our hearts to try and get these things somewhat resolved.

And one other thing is, I don’t want anyone reading this or listening to this to feel like we’re trying to come from a point of view of. Good and bad and right and wrong. You know, parenting is a very, very personal relationship. You know, the decisions you make as a parent are very personal decisions and we recognize there are just as many differences in kids as there are, you know, in any other area of life.

And we’re not here to tell people that this is the only way, the right way, the best way that you need to. We simply want to raise awareness and say, there might be some things that you’re doing unintentionally to undermine your child’s experience in sports. And we just want to bring those to the surface and offer some suggestions that have worked for us in order to see some improvement.

And that’s really all that it is. So I wanted to kind of broaden that foundation and now we’d love to jump into some of these behaviors. And, and I think if I had to pick one that is arguably the most common. And in many cases, the most detrimental it’s the one that you started with, which is screaming instructions, or as we call it coaching from the sideline.

And I know from my own experience and my own observation, I do believe that the vast majority of parents that do that believe that they’re helping their child. They actually think that screaming instructions from the sideline and telling their kids what to do on the field or court, they actually believe it’s helpful.

And they love their children every bit, as much as I love mine. And why wouldn’t you want to try to help your child, especially if you see them on the field or court struggling. So I do think it comes from a good place, but this is where the, the lack of awareness I think, is an issue. Because as with what I’m about to share now, I hope it brings to surface that in fact, it’s anything but helpful.

It actually can cause some resentment from your child. It can cause immense chaos and confusion with what else is going on the field or court and what else you know, their coach may be yelling. And lastly, I just don’t think it sets a great example. So let me just break down real quick and, and this.

Can be anything. I mean, as most of your listeners probably have an affinity for basketball, hence the reason it’s the Hoop Heads Podcast, you know, I’ll use most of my examples coming from the sport of basketball. Although these apply across the board, whether it’s soccer, football, baseball, volleyball, or anything in between the same premise applies you’ll hear parents in the bleachers of a basketball game, yelling things like pass shoot it, you know, box out, bend your knees.

You know, they’re yelling instructions. And I guess if I can just make a few blanket statements one and, and I’m very well aware of the fact that there is a difference between being a six-year-old youth athlete and being a 16 year old youth athlete, that those 10 years are pretty profound in a young person’s development in their mental cognition and their ability to process information.

So I recognize that as I paint this with a broad stroke you have to realize that it is somewhat of a sliding scale, but if I aim more towards the younger end at present 6, 7, 8, 9 years old, parents need to understand. That environment, the sporting environment, especially in open skills environment, like a team sport like basketball or soccer, football, or baseball is already incredibly chaotic and confusing for young people.

As they’re trying to learn the game, they have so many different types of stimuli. They’re trying to process, they’re chasing the ball. They’re trying to stay on the court. They’re listening to their coaches. They’re seeing what their opponents doing. You know, they’re, they’re just kind of learning the rules and the skills and it’s, there’s just, it’s almost overwhelming.

And I find that when parents are yelling instructions from the sideline as helpful. And as well-intended, as they’re trying to. It actually makes it more overwhelming. It actually adds to the chaos, you know I’ve often said, and I’ve tweeted this several times. You know, shooting should be a decision. It should not be a reaction.

When a young player has got the ball and they hear their parent a voice that they very much recognize and love, yell, shoot it. Now they’ve got a process in their mind, what it takes to shoot the basketball. Like it just, it just adds to the chaos and confusion. So that’s one of the issues that I have.

Another issue that I have is, you know, I, I mentioned the three major components of sport, which is going to be the, the athletes themselves, the parents and the coaches. And I’m also a very big believer that each of those groups needs to stay in their lane. It needs to do play their role. You know, the players need to focus on playing with the best effort and attitude that they’re capable of and with great sportsmanship.

The coaches are there to provide instruction and to teach and to guide and to mentor. And the parents should be there simply to encourage love and support. And any time someone steps out of their lane to try to do something else in this case, a parent trying to coach from the sidelines, once again, it just adds to the confusion.

And, and ultimately from a learning standpoint, when you yell instructions from the sideline, you actually Rob that young person have the ability to think for themselves. You actually take away a rep that they get to practice the very important skillset of decision-making and in any sport and arguably any area of life.

One of the most important components is decision-making, you know, so part of learning how to play the game of basketball is learning. What’s a good shot for you and when to take that shot, and that needs to be a decision coming from the player. You know, now if, if part of the coaches responsibility.

To do some of that. I’d leave that up to the coaches. You know, this, this book is heavily focused on the parents, but I don’t believe parents should be yelling instructions. I think the only people that should be yelling instructions during the game should be the coaches themselves so that each young person actually gets as many reps as possible to make game time decisions and to make in this case, a basketball IQ decision on whether or not to shoot.

[00:12:55] Mike Klinzing: Well said.  And I think that when you talk about the ability to make decisions, especially at those younger ages, kids have so many things that are coming at them and when mom or dad are up there yelling, I see a way too often that at the end of every play, anytime the whistleblowers are established, there’s always that one kid who their head immediately turns, then they’re looking at the bleachers and then dad or mom is saying something or telling them what to do.

And inevitably that kid. They’re more focused on what their parent is saying, as opposed to what they should be doing and what their coach wants them to be doing. And so, as a parent, look, it’s difficult. You said it that a lot of the things that we talk about in this book are things that we’ve all done.

And especially, I know we’ll talk a little bit maybe later about coaching your own kids. And so when you’re on the sideline and you’re coaching your own kids, there’s a whole nother aspect of that that goes in with making good decisions as a coach for your own child. But when you’re sitting in the stands, I think your point is stay in your lane via parent cheer for your kids, cheer for the whole team.

Then if you do that, you’re going to end up with a better experience for you as a parent, a lot less stressful, and you’re gonna put a lot less stress on your child, which is going to make that experience all the better for them. And it’s going to make them want to keep playing, which again, as a parent, if you get your kid involved in a sport, hopefully you want them to have a good experience.

And they’re going to continue to want to play that sport and just have fall have fallen into.

[00:14:22] Alan Stein, Jr.: Absolutely. And one thing that I find it, and I do say this, I know right now, this is only an audio podcast and your listeners can’t see my face, but I hope you know, that I’m smiling ear to ear. When I say this, I would say, and I’ve not done any type of official study.

So I’m going to make up a percentage here for the sake of this. I would argue to say that almost 90% of the instructions that parents do yell are either incorrect or not actually helpful at all. You know, first of all, let’s keep using the example that we hear all the time. You know, a young player gets the ball there in the middle of the lane that you can see a slight panic on their face there.

They don’t know what to do. They’re kind of holding the ball like a hot potato and, and apparent yells shoot it. The, the problem with that instruction is by the time. The parrot has decided that the kids should shoot the ball and the time they verbalize that and actually yell out in the audio instruction.

And by the time the kid hears it and processes it and then actually acts on it, you know, a second or two in actual chronological time has passed. And it may not be the best decision anymore. You know, I mean, so many times when someone yells shoot it, the players open at that moment and then one or two seconds later, there’s actually a defender on them and shooting.

It is no longer the right decision yet by the time the kid processes it that’s when the actual action is going to take place. So then what they end up doing is chucking up a bad shot, you know, and that’s an issue. And then you’ve got and I say this also with a smile parents tend to yell things that, for lack of better words, Are just simply obvious, like yelling them is not, you’re not actually adding to it in fact.

And this is where I think some of this stems from, and this goes back to the nobility and the well intention of parents. I think a lot of parents simply don’t know what to say. And they, they feel uncomfortable in silence or stillness. They feel like, well, other parents are yelling. So if I’m not yelling, then my kid won’t think I love them as much as other parents love their kids.

So if other parents are yelling things, maybe I should be doing it to. Instead of simply just sitting there and smiling. I mean, let’s, let’s keep in mind that by vocation, I am a professional keynote speaker. I get paid to speak. And if you were to ever put a camera on me or to hang out with me or watch me during my kid’s youth sporting events, I don’t say single word the entire time they’re on the field or court.

I mean, I’m literally silent. And now that’s a preference. I’m not saying that other people have to be as silent and a stoic as I am, but I don’t say a word and that’s because I’m actually okay. Not adding to the confusion, you know, when parents yell things you know the kid has the basketball and they’ve picked up their dribble and they’ve got two players on them and they’re in a double team and the parent yelled something like passing.

Well, yeah, obviously like everybody knows that you need to pass the ball. In fact, from the game of basketball standpoint, you don’t really have any other options at this moment. So yelling that is not helpful. You know, when the shot goes up and someone just yells, rebound, of course that’s what you have to do when the ball goes up in the air.

I mean, yelling it, isn’t actually helping, you know, one of my favorites and trust me, I used to be guilty of this. Not only as, as a, a parent, but even as a coach, you know, when they say move your feet, right? I mean, that’s, that’s one of the funniest ones. And, and even my kids now, if we’re watching one of their brothers or sisters play, we laugh at that.

You know, come on, you gotta move your feet. Well, of course the entire sport, the only conveyance you have are your feet. I mean, you have to move your feet in order to run jog, slide jump. So, so yelling the obvious, the blatantly obvious. Is really not doing anything except temporarily taking that, that kid’s mind off of what they should be focused on.

And now they’re focused on some of these arbitrary instructions, like pass it when you have no other option and move your feet, which unless the kid plans on standing there like a statue for an entire game, of course, they’re going to move their feet. It’s the only way they can go from point a to point B.

So yelling at is, is not very helpful. And I, again, I say that not to be a smart alec. I say that with a smile, because if you can imagine over the course of a youth game and dozens of parents on the sideline or in the bleachers yelling dozens and dozens of things that are either incorrect or unhelpful.

Now you can start to paint a picture and see why, why this can, can be a little bit of a problem.

[00:18:57] Mike Klinzing: I think that goes for coaches too. I know that’s one of the things that as I started the podcast and started talking to different coaches and started reading more coaching material and thinking about the way that I coach and whether or not my instructions are things that are actually helpful.

Like you often say your coaches say, come on, we got to play defense. Okay, well, we’re on defense. Aren’t isn’t that what we’re going to try to do? There’s nothing, there’s nothing actionable that the kid can get out of that particular statement. So in that case, you’re just kind of talking to yourself talk.

So if you’re a coach out there, especially I think at the youth level, try to come up with things that you can say that the players can actually take and then do something. And it’s very easy to just get into saying some of the things that we’ve just been talking about, where you’re talking, but you’re not really giving a player anything actionable.

So as a coach, if you just get a chance to evaluate and think about what it is that you say and whether or not the things you’re saying are actually translatable to the player out on the floor, doing something that can actually benefit them. And in all honesty, coaches probably talk too much too on the sideline.

[00:20:06] Alan Stein, Jr.: Sure. Well said, and please know, I mean, this is this is something that every single one of us as human beings, not even just relegated to youth sports can most likely make some improvement in, but you know, one of the things you can do is, is actually have kind of an audit as either a parent or as a coach and potentially even record yourself and then go back and make a list of the things that you yell.

Or a scream and then kind of dissect those and ask, is there actually any truth to this? Is it actually helpful? I love that you brought up, you know, come on guys. Play defense. Well, yeah, obviously that that’s the side of the ball we’re on at the moment. It’s the only thing we can play. The other team has the ball.

So it a generic statement, like play defense. Isn’t actually adding any value. And yet we know that that’s being yelled, you know, on fields and courts around the world, literally as we speak. I mean, I love it. Some of the things that are yelled when the gym is completely quiet and a player’s about to shoot a free throw, you know, two of the things I hear all of the time are bend your knees and keep your eye on the rim.

I mean, to borderline obvious slash completely useless statements to yell. I mean, now. If I was a professional shooting coach, and I have determined that with this young person, lack of knee bend is causing a, a rift in the shot. Then I guess in a very, very, very, very rare occasion, that might be a helpful instruction, but most parents just yell it because they’ve only ever heard other people yell at bend your knees.

I’ve watched basketball for my entire life. I have never, to this point in time ever seen a player, shoot a free throw, completely stiff legged like with their legs locked literally like two by fours hanging out of their shorts. Every player in the world bends their knees. Of course, it’s, it’s the way the body functions.

I mean, you can’t, your body can’t move up and down. If you don’t bend at certain joints in the knee being one of those prime movers. So you, of course, they’re going to bend their knees, but instead by yelling that now you’re, the player is taking the focus off of what they should be focused on. And they’re actually putting it on something that is completely irrelevant or keep your eye on the rim.

One that’s a little bit vague too. What do you think they’re going to shoot it with their eyes closed. Of course their heads up their eyes are open. They’re facing the basket. That’s what they’re looking at. Do you really think without yelling that instruction, that player’s going to be looking at, you know, a a banner hanging up in the rafters while they’re shooting a free-throw of course not.

Of course they’re looking at the rim. So now we’re, once again, we’re just yelling the obvious and or the incorrect and it’s not helping. And that’s why I think it would be better either to say nothing at all and just be there in moral and silent support, or we can start to potentially figure out something.

And this would be more for the coach that would actually be more appropriate and helpful to say.

[00:23:06] Mike Klinzing: All right, let’s talk about parents living vicariously through their child and the challenge that poses for both them and for the youth athlete.

[00:23:20] Alan Stein, Jr.: Yeah. This one is a tough one. And what I find interesting about this one I don’t necessarily think any parent does this consciously.

I mean, if you were to walk up to even the most emotionally involved parent and say, you know, are you living vicariously through your child? They would scoff because either once again, there’s a lack of awareness or they just simply, they don’t believe that that’s what they’re doing. This is another one that is very noble and well-intentioned, you know, you know, I’ll use myself as an example.

I’m 45 years old. I’ve got 45 years of life experience. 40 of those have been spent in youth sports in some capacity. So there are a lot of things that I know. But yeah, if I could just take a magic wand and download all of these life experiences into my young kids’ heads to help avoid them, you know, tripping up and making mistakes and stepping on a couple of potholes it make their lives easier.

Of course, you know, when I look back, if there were certain things that I would have known, said, or done when I was 11 years old could it have made my performance at the time better? Yeah, of course. Obviously I know way more about the game of basketball at 45 than I do at, at 11. I know way more about life at 45 than I did when I was at 11, but that’s the actual journey everybody goes on.

So when we, we think that unconsciously, we can kind of get a do-over to some of the, the mistakes and pitfalls and mishaps we had when we were younger by then telling you. Children that, you know, they can do these things or pushing them in certain directions or trying to get them to behave in a certain manner.

That’s ultimately what happens. So because I don’t think any parent is intentionally living vicariously through their child. It’s all happening unconsciously. So usually a, a better question to ask someone that I do ask questions. A parent is, you know, when you’re at your child’s game, do you feel heavily emotionally involved in the game?

Like, Do you have little brief moments of anxiety or worry when you’re watching or can you literally just sit back with more of a stoic point of view and just enjoy watching your child do something that they love to do? And it’s usually the parents that, that, you know, they’re anxious, they’re worried their kid misses a shot and they cover their eyes, or, you know, they, they start yelling at the referee because they think the referee is intentionally trying to prevent their child from, you know having a good performance.

Those are the parents that are, I think, unconsciously living vicariously through their child. And the last thing I’ll say on this, and this is more of a societal. Belief, we tend to, as a society, think that the performance, achievement and accolades of our children are a direct reflection of us as adults and how well we parent, you know, if my child gets straight A’s it’s because I’m a great parent.

If my child gets into Harvard, it’s because I’m a great parent. If my kid wins the state championship, it’s because I’m a great parent. And once again, I don’t think anyone will ever utter those sentences because they don’t think that consciously, but it’s an unconscious belief that we have. And this is why I think a lot of parents put undue pressure on their children because they want their kids to excel and achieve and be great at everything.

Not for their kids’ enjoyment and life experience, but because it is a reflection of themselves and now they’ll get the notoriety that goes along with that. And everyone will say, boy, Alan is such a brilliant father. Look how polished his kids are in the classroom and on the court, boy, that guy should be up for people magazine father of the year.

He is amazing. And once again, I say that not with announces sarcasm, I say it with a huge smile because it’s something I think we all wrestle with at some point.

[00:27:12] Mike Klinzing: I agree. I think that that reflecting onto the parent, the child’s performance is something that everyone deals with. At some point as a human being.

I think it’s very difficult to whether it’s sit in the stands or open up a report card and not feel like you as the parent that is somehow a reflection on you, your parenting skills, you as a person. And I think it’s something that. If you’re conscious of it and you try to tamp that down for lack of a better way of saying it.

I think you’re going to be better off. You’re going to be more healthy as a parent and your child is certainly going to have a better experience when you let them fend for themselves and understand that what they’re doing is a reflection on what they’re doing. Not a reflection on what you’re doing as a parent.

[00:27:59] Alan Stein, Jr.: I think that’s critical for sure. And what other point to add to that is ultimately what happens is when we do this, we. Unconsciously show our children that our love and affection is now conditional. And once again, I know that if I aligned every parent in the world up right now and said, do you love your child unconditionally?

I would get a resounding yes, immediately. And I know that, and I know that I love my children unconditionally, but ultimately what we do is when we tend to emphasize achievement and performance and winning and grades, all of which are outcome-based. And that’s when we praise our children, then we’re, we’re praising the outcome.

We’re not praising the process. And ultimately what we’re showing our children is when you achieve and when you perform and when you do well, I will praise you, which is in kids’ eyes. That’s a form of love. Like my boy, my parents tend to be happy with me when I do well and they tend to be unhappy with me when I don’t do well.

That’s a very, very slippery slope because that by definition means at least in your expression of love, I don’t mean your actual love, but your expression of love is. Conditional. I mean, it’s when you do well, I tap you on the head and pat you on the back and tell you, you did great when you don’t, you know, there’s, there’s a bit of being withdrawn and coldness or at least a look of disappointment.

And that’s, again, we start to have this, this issue. Now kids are starting to resent their parents because they feel this undue pressure that will, if I don’t perform well, And this is through the eyes of a young person. I’m not saying this is literal, but through the eyes of a young person when I don’t do well, my parents don’t love me as much.

And even though that’s not true, when on a real level, that’s how it’s interpreted and that’s how the kids feel. So now we’ve turned youth sports into this massive pressure cooker where the children you’re adding to their anxiety and worry. Not only do they just want to try to win the game because they enjoy playing the sport and they have fun and their teammates have worked hard and they’ve got an opportunity to play an opponent, but now it’s like, I really want to win.

My parents are proud of me and my parents, will show me the love that I very much desire and need. And I know that sounds really, really drastic, and I’m not trying to turn this into something that it’s not, but there are some shreds of truth to that. And when you make these little deposits, A little emotional deposits with your children that say, Hey, I’m happy when you achieve.

And when you perform well, I’m unhappy when you don’t, you start planting a couple of those seeds, you know, every day and every week and every month, when a young person is five or six years old, by the time they graduate high school, you’ve really cemented this behavior and shown them that, you know, that that’s why, why are kids petrified to come home and show their parents that they got a bad grade on a test?

Or why is the kid in tears when they lose a game? You know, most of the time it’s because they’re afraid of how their parents are going to react or how they’re going to feel. Most kids are pretty resilient and I know there’s some kids out there that may be wired at birth or very competitive, but most of the kids I’ve been around when they’re eight, nine or 10 years old and they lose game.

They forgot about it. Three seconds after the game is over. Like they want to know, can we go get ice cream or pizza, or, Hey, are we going to go to the movies tonight? Like it’s not ruining the rest of their day. They’re very resilient. The only time that becomes an issue is now when the parent has now become upset by it.

And I’ll say one more thing. And this one it’s okay. Even if you roll your eyes at this Mike, but you know, one of the things I find most fascinating, especially with the game of basketball and this concept of only praising outcomes, you know, when you, we reinforce this at the most micro level, you know, think about it.

The only time parents and fans cheer for your team is when your team makes a basket or on offense, rather when they score. Once again is completely outcome-based. I know, you know, this because of your very high basketball acumen, but a shot is either a good shot or a bad shot. The moment it’s taken, it has nothing to do with whether or not it actually goes in.

It has to go with the player, taking it where on the court they’re taking it the time and score, you know, is that in rhythm? Is it in their range? Is it a wide open shot? Like there’s a lot of factors that determine, and obviously anyone that knows anything about the game of basketball knows it is very possible and or common to miss really good shots.

And to occasionally make really bad shots. I mean, if I come down and I check up a heavily contested three with, you know, you know, and it’s not the appropriate time or score, I’m not a very good three point shooter. I had another player on my team that was wide open and I just Jack it up that ball could still go in.

Doesn’t mean it was a good shot and that is not a behavior that we want to reinforce, but that’s exactly what will happen. You know, if that ball goes in, you will hear fans for our team cheer because they’re happy the ball went in, even though that’s the last thing we want to be reinforcing is someone taking that type of shot.

Conversely, I could have moved out of a double team, made an extra pass to a wide open teammate under the basket. Who unfortunately just happens to miss a wide open layup. And instead of cheers, now you get groans and people stomping their foot when that was actually the right basketball play. And that is exactly what I should have done.

And that’s exactly what they should have done. It just didn’t go in. So, so this whole concept of praising outcomes and ignoring the process happens even at the most micro level in the game of basketball, which is we just cheer when whether or not the ball goes in. And that, that once again is a very slippery slope.

[00:33:37] Mike Klinzing: I think, as a parent, it’s important to be intentional and think about how you’re going to react to situations before they actually happen. And when you think about whether your child performs well at a given game or poorly in a given game, if you’re not thinking about it beforehand as a human being, it’s really easy to have that frown on your face or have that slump, shoulders, and look, look down, even though you might have.

You’re doing it consciously. I think you have to really be intentional about, I’ve got to put a smile on my face. I’ve got to have my shoulders back. I’ve got to be able to give good body language and show that, Hey, even though maybe you didn’t as well as you want it to play that your child sees that you’re supporting them no matter what, I think that has to be a conscious choice rather than you just reacting in the moment.

I think if you do that, and this goes for a lot of situations, not only in sports, but in life, if you are intentional about how you want to react to something, you’re going to end up getting a better outcome.

[00:34:38] Alan Stein, Jr.: Absolutely. I’m so glad you went in that direction, and I certainly don’t mean to undermine a future question that you may have, but let’s go in this direction now because it we’ve spent, you know, 35 minutes of me, hopefully this isn’t outlets interpreted, but on some level, someone can say, Alan spent 35 minutes scolding us and telling us what not to do.

How about you? Tell us a couple of things we should do. And I think this is a perfect opportunity to do that. One of the first. Things that I uncovered as I was kind of trying to, you know, rich and I were putting this, this book together was, and I don’t remember off the top of my head exactly where this came from.

But there was some type of research study done. And basically it said, you know, of all the things that you can say to your child after a game, the best thing, or the most helpful thing, or the most empowering or loving thing you can say to your child are simply the six words of, I love to watch you play.

Like that’s it don’t don’t say anything about their performance, good or bad. Don’t say anything about whether they won or lost. Don’t say anything other than I love to watch you play, which in essence says that my enjoyment is simply derived by watching you do something that you enjoy. That’s it, there are no strings attached.

There are no conditions. There’s no, you know, there, there’s no extra pressure being attitude added to this, this isn’t. I love to watch you score. I love to watch you win. I love to watch you play a lot of minutes. I loved has nothing to do with any of that. It’s simply, I hope that the number one reason you have chosen to play this sport is because you love it and you enjoy it.

And nothing brings me more of a smile as your parent than watching you do something that you enjoy. And you know, when I, when I first heard that, and this was many, many, many years ago, I mean, I, I probably sounded somewhat robotic almost as if I was reading it off of a script, because as soon as my kids were done playing, I would literally would not allow myself to say anything other than those six words.

And now it’s just natural to me now I don’t even think about it when the game’s over. I just put my arm around him and just say, boy, I love watching you play. Or man, I have so much fun watching you do that. You know? I mean, it doesn’t have to be those exact six words, but it’s the sentiment involved.

And I think that in and of itself just shows the child. My parent really loves me unconditionally. They’re here to support the fact that I’m having fun doing this sport or this activity. And I think that’s, that’s definitely something that, that parents can lean on. One more thing that has really helped me is, and this goes back to kind of this difference between praising the process and praising the outcome.

My children know there’s really only four things that I care about in regards to their participation in a sport or activity. And these are oftentimes pose this questions. Afterwards, but many times I kind of plant the seeds beforehand. And if, if my kids were in my office with me right now, as we’re recording this, I mean, they could all recite these on command.

No problem. And that the four things that I really believe are what is most important for a youth athlete’s participation number one, are you having fun? Number two. Are you coachable? You know, are you open to feedback? Are you listening to your coach’s instruction? Are you listening with your eyes?

Are you being respectful of your coach? Number three, are you a great teammate? You know, are you the type of teammate that you’d like to play with? Are you doing everything you can to pour into your teammates and to support them and to help them and to pick them up when they’re down and those types of things.

And then number four, is, are you giving your best effort or did you give your best effort depending on how you want to frame these? So, you know, for my kids, they know if they’re having. They’re being coachable, they’re being great teammates and they’re giving their best effort. Those are the only four things that I ever even remotely concerned with.

And they know if you continue to do those four things that I will continue to, to support you in this endeavor, whether that means financially, whether that means driving you somewhere, whether that means, you know, with, with my own time, whatever that may be. But those are the four things that matter the most, not wins and losses, not minutes played, not points scored, just those four things.

And I remind my kids when I’m dropping them off at a practice, or I remind them on our way to a game. And then I ask them those things after a practice or game, you know, Hey, did you have fun today? Did you listen to your coach? Did you help a teammate out? And did you do the best you were capable of?

That’s it, those are the four questions and that’s really all that that gets, you know, emphasized and discussed as far as we’re concerned.

[00:39:18] Mike Klinzing: What if your child answers, did you have fallen in their answer is no, I didn’t have fun. What might that discussion look like if your kid, I began, obviously every once in a while they may say no with an activity or a sport that they really love and enjoy.

We don’t all have perfect days, but let’s say it happens over the course of a month or two months. And it seems like they’re just not having fun with that particular sport or activity anymore. What does that conversation look like?

[00:39:43] Alan Stein, Jr.: Well, I can even speak from the first person on this one. Cause I was actually having this issue with my son Jack the other day.

For, for context, I have 11 year old twin sons and I have a nine-year-old daughter at the time of this recording the general answer. And then I’m going to get into the specifics with Jack, the general answer. If I said, did you have fun? And they said, no, would be to start to ask some, some insightful follow-up questions, you know, well, why not, Hey, what happened today?

And you know, it, it could be anything from, you know, and I’m just making some of these things up. These are not actual examples, you know, to you know, one of my teammates was mean to me or teasing me or you know, we, we were playing a shooting competition and we lost and I didn’t get to win a Gatorade.

So the kid might interpret that as well. That wasn’t very fun. I don’t, I don’t like losing. I don’t like, you know, whatever. So, so there could be some little things like that, but, you know, I noticed with my son. He was 11 years old. He’s in the sixth grade and he’s playing for a local basketball program and they actually moved him up a year to play with a group of kids that are all a calendar year older than he is.

And so he’s the youngest on the team and, you know, understandably the, the smallest and you know, maybe even the least skilled on the team that, that one year when you’re 11 years old, makes a huge difference. Now the group that moved them up did so with very noble intentions, they see promise in him and they said, Hey, we actually think with you playing a grade level up, it will actually help expedite your.

You know your progression and your development. We think this will be good for you in the long-term. And we had asked Jack if he wanted to play and he thought that was a great opportunity. So he, so we, we let him do that. But, but now I’ve noticed over the last several weeks that it’s taking some of the enjoyment out of it, that, that he actually it’s, it’s really shaken and rattled his own confidence.

And self-belief because now, I mean, he’s even said, you know, daddy, I’m not as good as the other kids, you know, how come the other kids are so much bigger and stronger than I am. You know, I, I don’t feel like I’m a very good player anymore. And this ended up getting compounded because there were a couple of weekends where they, the team itself actually played.

One grade up as well. So now, you know, Jackson’s sixth grade and he’s playing against eighth graders in some of these tournaments. And I know, you know, this Mike and I would imagine many of your listeners do. I mean, the difference just in physical development between a sixth grader and an eighth grader.

Is immense. I mean, you know, I mean, I won’t go as far as to say it’s it’s men verse boys, but it’s, it’s on its way there. I mean, some of those kids were, you know, a full head taller 25 to 30 pounds heavier and have two more years of skill and development behind them. So, you know, he, he really had his confidence rattled and he just wasn’t enjoying it, you know?

And, and every kid is cut differently. You know, every kid comes from a different a different emotional template to some kids playing with older kids. Even if they’re taking a little bit of a beating, they love it because they know that it’s going to help them get better. You know, they know it’s going to help them refine their skills.

They know that when they get back to playing kids their own age, they’re going to feel like they’ve made some real progress. And then other kids, you know, it actually hurts their confidence and makes them feel like, boy, what am I doing this for? There’s nothing fun about going to practice every week and getting my butt kicked and feeling like, you know, that I’m getting the ball taken from me.

I’m getting my shot blocked. I mean, this is really hard. So. After a few weeks of him kind of saying, and I, and not even just saying it verbally, I could read his facial expressions and his body language that he just wasn’t enjoying it. Last week we sat down and we had a good heart to heart, and I asked him some questions with no strings attached, no pressure, no judgment for me, literally like what’s going on, buddy?

You know, you, you used to love the game of basketball and now. You don’t seem very excited to go to practice. And, and thankfully, you know, he opened up and started sharing some of these things and, and, and I let him know, Hey, there’s no judgment for me. There’s no pressure. I didn’t say suck it up. I didn’t say, oh, come on, man.

Playing with older kids is good for you. I just listened. And we ended up coming to the resolution that it’s probably best for him not to play on this team anymore, that he’s going to go back down and play with kids. He is on his own grade level and age level. And let’s give that a try and see if that brings some of the love back.

And, and me even just suggesting that you could almost see this metaphorical weight taken off of his shoulders, like he immediately smiled. Like knowing that resolution’s going to work for him. And so we’re going to give that a try. I mean, as the time of this recording, we’re on a little bit of a holiday break, so there’s no practices or games at present.

So we, haven’t got to see this put into effect. But starting in the new year he’ll, he’ll play with kids his own age. And if that changes in the future, if in one or two years, he has an opportunity to move up a grade level and play with those kids and he’s, he wants to do it, then we’ll reevaluate it.

Then none of this stuff is permanent. But that was a real life example of, I could just tell that he wasn’t having much fun and instead of casting judgment or blame, I just listened and he opened up and we’re going to try to move towards a resolution because I told him there’s nothing more important than him having fun when he plays, you know, and this going back to a lot of the things we’ve talked about earlier, I have to have my priorities.

In perfect alignment. And my priority is my kids play basketball because they enjoy it and they have fun. That’s the number one reason. And I won’t let anything happen. That undermines that. So this is not about, you know, what’s best for his future development. What’s best for him making the varsity team.

When he gets to high school, what’s going to give him the best chance to play in college. None of that stuff matters because at the end of the day, if he ends up hating basketball at age 11, none of those things are going to happen anyway. So it doesn’t, none of those things are all completely irrelevant.

So we had a good discussion and we’ll see if, if this course of action brings some of the love back. And if for any reason it doesn’t, we’ll just have another conversation and continue to try to navigate story.

[00:45:31] Mike Klinzing: And I think it’s one that… I have conversations with parents all the time and say to them, look, if your kid doesn’t love the game and isn’t going to work on it on their own, then whatever goals you might have for them.

Are not going to be achieved anyway, because if they don’t love it, they’re not going to put enough time to work at it, to get better and developing that love, developing the idea that the game is supposed to be fun. Look, that’s why we all start playing, right? You pick up a basketball and Chuck it up through the basket because it’s fun.

Not because your mom told you how to do it, or your dad said, Hey, you gotta do this. You start doing those things because it’s fun. And sometimes we lose that idea that the game should be fought, especially as you go up in levels and it gets more serious. You forget that the reason why you started playing because you love the game and it was fun.

And I think sometimes as parents and even sometimes as athletes, we forget that. So I want to ask you about one of the things that you talk about in the book is when should you get your child additional training? When should you find. More opportunities for them. What advice would you have for parents when it comes to that?

I think a lot of that came out in your story that you just shared, but just maybe expound on that a little bit when it comes to, Hey, should I get my kid a trainer? Should I take them to these extra skill development sessions? When in your mind is the right time to do that? And what are those conversations look like between you and your child, as you’re trying to decide if that’s the right thing to do?

[00:46:57] Alan Stein, Jr.: Let me preface that answer with the fact that generally speaking, I have always chosen to have a hands-off parenting approach, not even just in youth sports, but overall, and that I believe in giving my children as much age appropriate autonomy as I possibly can. So we, even with 11 year old twin sons and a nine-year-old daughter, I let my children make as many decisions that affect them as possible in their own lives, from what to eat, to what movie, to watch, to what to wear.

And once again, this is all within age appropriate because I want them to have a strong vested interest in their own life experience. And I want them to make as many decisions as we can. So I don’t want to undermine that. And I don’t want to treat my children as if they’re puppets where I’m the one pulling all of the strings, because I know what’s best because I have more life experience than they do.

So I want, and I’ve always wanted my children to know there is a direct correlation between the choices you make. And the consequences you have in life. And, and I don’t use consequence in a negative tone. I know a lot of people that that’s a negative connotation, but you know, a consequence of getting a good night’s sleep and eating a healthy breakfast.

The consequence of that, or the result of that is you have higher energy, you have better mental focus. You know, you have more clarity, you know the consequence of not getting a good night’s sleep and not eating breakfast, you can be irritable. You low energy, you know, you can’t focus. So I look at the word consequence, synonymous with result, and I just want my kids to know that the results or excuse me, the decisions they make will yield certain results. Now those results aren’t guaranteed, but there’s usually a pattern to them, which is why I can say with full confidence, generally speaking for most human beings, if you make mostly good decisions in your life, you have a pretty good life. You make mostly great decisions.

You can lead a really extraordinary life. And obviously at the risk of sounding condescending, if you’re always making very poor decisions, you’re going to have a pretty tough go at things. And the reason I prefaced my answer with that is it’s the same thing that applies to youth sport. I let my kids keep the keys to the car and I let them figure out how they want to drive this thing.

And as long as they can say yes to those four questions that I said before then I’ll let them be the ones to say, you know, Hey is there another, can I play on a second team? Like I I’m, I’m on a one basketball team. Is there a second team I can play for? Or, you know, I’m really loving this game. You know, I’d like to get some extra help or some instruction.

Is there someone that can help me out or, you know because of my background, you know, sometimes my kids ask me for some, some, some strength and conditioning drills or exercises to improve, you know, their speed or agility. But none of that comes from me. None of that is forced upon me. There’s none of this.

And I say with a smile, you know, all right, you guys need to get out, go out to your court out in the backyard and you each need to make 500 jump shots before you can have dinner. No. They just know, you know, that, that their mother and I cared enough to invest in having a half court in their backyard. And that’s an opportunity and an environment for them to work on their game, but don’t ever make them go out there.

If they want to go out there and put up some shots. That’s wonderful. If they want me to come out and rebound for them, that’s also wonderful, happy to do it, but it’s never forced upon. So I let them be the ones to guide. And with that said, I let them be the ones to make the suggestion and want to do it.

But I also give them the power to withdraw and to say, okay, I don’t want to do this anymore. And the only caveat to that is because I firmly believe in honoring your word and your. When my children choose to sign up for a team or a season or a trainer or something that has a finite start and stop time, then they need to honor that until it’s over.

And I know that may sound slightly like I’m going back on what I said earlier about my son, Jack not playing on the seventh grade team, I guess I should have prefaced it with there’s a, there was a clear ending to that season now that we’ve hit the holidays and a new season is going to begin in the new year.

So we, we waited until the. The point in time where he had fulfilled his commitment, because he had made a commitment to that coach and those players. And now he gets a chance to either recommit or I guess de-commit to playing on that team. So if, and, and this happened when my kids decided to play baseball they signed up for baseball, a couple of games into it.

They realized they didn’t really love baseball, but we said, you, you made a commitment and you need to finish this season and you need to finish the season with a great attitude and a great effort and answering those four questions. But when the season is over, if you choose to never play baseball again for the rest of your life, that is okay, that is your decision.

But you need to see this through all the way to the end. So to answer your question, I let them be the ones to control it. I encourage that they do a wide variety of activities and sports and try to be as involved in as many things as they can, until they really whittle down to what they love the best.

But ultimately that’s their decision.

[00:51:51] Mike Klinzing: All right, before we wrap up, is there any one thing that we missed that you feel like is a key. Topic or key point that you want to bring out from the book. And then after you do that, share how people can find out more about the book, where can they get the book?

What’s the goal? Who are you hoping to get this book to? How are you planning to get it to them? And then I’ll jump back in and wrap things up.

[00:52:13] Alan Stein, Jr.: Sounds great. I think what’s most important in anything is, is that old adage of start with the end in mind? You know, when I, when I speak, speak to parents that have really young kids that are just starting their sports journey, you know, 5, 6, 7, 8 years old.

And I asked them, why do you want your children to play sports? Most of the time, most of the parents provide answers. Like I want them to do something they enjoy. I want them to do something that can teach them some life lessons, things like accountability and respect and teamwork. You know, I want them to make new friends I want them to do something that will promote them being physically active.

I want a a bonding experience them to be able to play a sport. Maybe that I played when I was younger and it’ll give us something fun to talk about and improve our parental child relationship. Like those are the answers that most parents give most of the time when their kids are young.

And I love all of those answers. So then what’s most important is as your child gets older and continues in this experience, just make sure. The way you parent and the things you emphasize are in alignment with those original answers. And the reason I say that is many parents, those are the answers they give on why they want their kids to play sports.

And then very quickly, the way they behave as if. Trying to produce future college athletes or future professional athletes, or they’re making the sport instead of being about fun. It’s not about this high pressured, you know, it’s more like a business and it’s more important that you play and you specialize and you get trainers and you win.

And all of these things and what happens is there is no longer an alignment between beliefs and behaviors. They believe their kids should play sports for this reason, but they’re emphasizing, judging and being critical of these other things. And that’s where there’s a problem. So my best advice that I can give to parents is stay true to those original answers of why you want your kids to play sports.

Try to make sure that everything you say and everything you do from an encouragement standpoint is coming from that place to support those original answers. And then just let the chips fall where they may. Let me say this too. You know, I generally speaking, I’m a driven person, I’m a competitive person.

I understand the importance and connection between high performance and self-esteem and confidence. Like I get all that. I don’t live in a granola Pollyanna world where everyone’s just holding hands and singing kumbaya. I understand that as children get older and especially in high school, that being able to compete is important and that yes, kids and coaches and parents want the team to win and to be successful.

And. Plenty of players that have goals of being college athletes, professional athletes, and I’m in full support of all of that. This approach of, you know giving your best effort, having fun, being coachable and being a good teammate that will in no way, undermine a young person’s potential to be really, really, really good at their sport and to make some of these other trappings come true.

So this is not about just sitting around and smiling and just letting know, even as kids get older and matriculate up, and this does become more serious and more of a business, and you can start to emphasize some slightly different things because now the kids have the emotional intelligence to deal with it.

This stuff still will all play out the way that it’s supposed to play out. I mean, you know, what, why do you think LeBron James and Tom Brady are in the conversation of being the greatest at their respective sports for 20 plus years, it still comes down to the first thing we started talking about. They still love to play.

Both of those guys have so much fun. Anytime someone asks Tom Brady, when are you going to retire? His stock answer is why are you asking me to quit something I love doing? Like, why are you asking me to retire from something that still brings me this much fun and enjoyment? So that’s still the epicenter of even why the best of the best are able to do what they’re able to do for that long.

It still comes down to the fun and, and so forth. So I know that that started to borderline on a little bit of a rambling answer, but to be as succinct as possible, remember why you wanted your children to play sports in the first place and design your youth parenting philosophy around supporting those answers and nothing else.

And if you do that, Your kid will have a meaningful and memorable and wonderful sporting experience. And all of those other things will come to fruition if they are meant to be.

[00:56:47] Mike Klinzing: And you will enjoy it more as a parent as well.

[00:56:49] Alan Stein, Jr.: Absolutely.

[00:56:51] Mike Klinzing: All right. So share Alan, how people can find the book, where can they get it?

I know you’re hoping to get the book to youth sports organizations across the country so that they can get it into the hands of their parents. And as I’ve said, numerous times, I think that the book is extremely well done. It’s something that anybody who reads it, it’s a very quick read and it gives you a lot of actionable advice.

Just like we talked about giving actionable advice as a parent, as a coach, this book gives a lot of actionable advice that you can take and immediately improve your ability to be a youth sports parents. So how can people get the book?

[00:57:28] Alan Stein, Jr.: Well at present, we’re only selling it direct from the sideline book.com.

We’re at the time of this recording, I don’t know exactly when this will air we’re in the process of revamping the website. So very soon it’ll be a full site. They’ll actually be a free assessment online that a parent can take to see if they are quote unquote sideline ready. I highly recommend folks go to thesidelinebook.com to check it out, take that assessment.

And once it’s up if you want to just order a copy for yourself or for a friend or a teammate, that’s great. Where we’ve started to see some real traction is we’re seeing lots of coaches and youth organizations. Place bulk orders to make sure that every parent in their program gets a copy of this so that we can really start to make some, some systemic change at this very moment you’ll see that the, the primary cover of the original book we designed had a grass background.

It looks kinda like a football field or a soccer field or a lacrosse field. But we’ve since also had a basketball theme to cover design the book is identical that the contents of the book are identical, regardless of which cover. But we’ve got a one design, that’s got more of a hardwood background just for the parents that, you know, from the winter sports athletes, basketball and volleyball and so forth.

It just makes it feel like it’s a little bit more And alignment with the sport, maybe that their kid actually plays. And we also can, you know, for anyone that’s interested in making a bulk order of 300 or more copies for an entire organization or a whole set of teams, you can actually choose which cover that you’d like, and you can actually have your logo customized and put on the cover of the book.

So we’ve had several organizations play some pretty hefty and thoughtful bulk orders to get this book in the hands of all of their parents, a few of which have made a commitment to do this every year and say, every year we want to make sure that our parents get this reading material that we get everybody in alignment.

We have meetings at the beginning of each season where the coaches encourage the parents to read it, and we disseminate the books and let’s get everybody on the same page. So it’s going to really, really be fun. To see for the groups that buy this, the difference that it makes. So that’s just the sideline book.com.

And if anybody ever needs me for any reason, or you have any questions or want to continue this dialogue I’m very easily found at Alan Stein Jr com and at Alan Stein Jr. On the primary social platforms

[00:59:49] Mike Klinzing: For any coach that’s out there that own care, whether you’re a high school coach of any sport or whether you’re running a youth sports organization.

If you can get this book into the hands of your parents, you’re going to, I can almost guarantee improve the sports landscape that you are interacting with every single day, parents are going to enjoy reading it. Learning athletes are going to benefit because parents are going to be better educated.

I’ve always said here on the pod, that worth is, I think is the most challenging from a youth basketball standpoint is how do we educate parents and help them to better understand. What they should be looking for in a youth basketball experience. I think that this book does an outstanding job of conveying what a positive youth sports environment should look like.

So Alan, and also to your coauthor, rich, congratulations on putting this together. It’s really, really well done. Coaches, please go out and check out the sideline book.com so you can get some orders in there. Look, check out the book again, really well done. And Alan can’t thank you enough for jumping out with us today.

[01:00:58] Alan Stein, Jr.: Really, really appreciate it. Always. My pleasure. Thank you so much for your friendship, your leadership and your immense support.

[01:01:05] Mike Klinzing: Thank you to our audience. We appreciate everyone listening and we will catch you on our next episode. Thanks.

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